Bacon Blogging

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ChocolateBakery.Com Introduces Bakery Bailout Package

ChocolateBakery.com a California online bakery is doing its part to add a little cheer to the holidays that may be foreclosed by the economic meltdown.

ChocolateBakery owner and pastry chef Judy Parks has created a new bakery Bailout package designed to pull us out of a psychological recession. “Unlike the funny money issued by the Feds, our Christmas cookies are made with real dough. Our Chocolate Meltdown cookies will melt in your mouth, but won’t melt your net worth. Our Freddie Mac is a moist Coconut Macaroon and the Credit Crunch is a buttery cookie with crunchy almonds,” said Parks.

“As far as bailouts, that’s what we do best — we will bail you out of the never ending holiday gift problem of what to buy, and do it at a price that won’t break the bank or leave you insolvent,” said Parks.

Parks is very confident that you won’t be short selling her shortbread because your friends, relatives and colleagues will be going long for more. She is equally certain that there will be no predatory lending of these wonderful treats, that interest will be high and that protectionist barriers will become a necessity.

An unidentified source said today that they expect the demand for the Bailout cookies to increase employment, and raise the commodity prices of sugar, flour and dairy products across the country. When asked about this report, Parks, who had not yet heard the Feds statement, said she is not surprised. She expects that these delectable treats will leverage the consumer confidence index, increase overall holiday spending, get the economy off to a sweet New Year, and put a smile on everyone’s face.

The ChocolateBakery.com bailout package does not cost trillions, only $19.95. These wonderful creations can be found online at: ChocolateBakery Bailout

‘Tis The Season to Gag Someone

The title of this post notwithstanding, this is not about asking Aunt Edna to serve her bad tuna pate at this year’s Christmas party.

Just in time for the holidays, CrappyFudge (Yes, that is the name of the company) introduces the adorable(?) Mr. Plop, a fudge drop shaped like something … erm, only a company named CrappyFudge (emphasis on the word crappy) could produce.

Along with the aforementioned Mr. Plop fudge drops, the company offers a selection of milk chocolate covered or “smothered” chips, dark and milk chocolate coconut drops, and milk chocolate covered “special recipe” fudge drops.

CrappyFudge is available to local Melbourne, FL residents at the company’s retail location, and to all U.S. and Canadian residents through their company website at crappyfudge.com .

Calling All (Thanksgiving) Hybrids!

Turducken isn’t adventurous enough for you?

If chicken stuffed inside a duck stuffed inside a turkey isn’t enough to turn you on this holiday season, check out some of THESE combinations:

• Turminator: A minced alligator stuffed inside a turkey (Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger serves it every year [Kidding!])

• Turpigen: A chicken stuffed inside a suckling pig stuffed inside a turkey.

• Turraviopus:  An octopus stuffed inside a ravioli stuffed inside a turkey.

• Duckduckgoose: This one is said to be popular with small children.

Read more …

All Hail the Beer Guru!

The subjects of beer and spirituality don’t naturally go together. In this case, however, they are a winning combination.

The Beer Guru is your guide to all things beer.  He features in The Beer Guru’s Guide (available on Amazon and other good book sites.)  Structured as a spoof mind/body/spirit new age book, the book provides a hilarious path of enlightenment for beer lovers who thirst for mystical experiences and the infinite wisdom occasionally bestowed upon the drinkers of the sacred brew.

The book actually contains a lot of fascinating facts about the origins and history of beer as a holy brew (Throughout most of Europe, it was originally brewed in monasteries and abbeys.  There is even an ancient Tibetan tradition of brewing and drinking the beer of enlightenment, upon which the Beer Guru’s teachings may be loosely based.)

Like any sacred text, The Beer Guru’s Guide is chock full of words of wisdom:

• ” If God is omnipresent, he is in your beer. “
• ” After just one bottle, I remembered several previous lives”
• “Reincarnate and come back for another.”
• ” After 18 hours of Tantric Sex, you’ll need a beer.”

Like most new-age gurus, The Beer Guru has an ego the size of a mountain (His personal ambition is to become the world’s most influential spiritual leader.  If he gains enough of a cult following, he might just do it.)

You can check out the book, along with the Beer Guru’s latest blogs, on www.thebeerguru.com.